3 questions to stop asking women

There are three questions that I never ask a woman and the reasons are simple. The questions though when asking them can be far more complex than anything and can cause more grief than we realize. There can be a lot of emotion attached to each of these questions and that’s why I do not ask.

When are you going to get pregnant? Seems like a simple question to ask, but have you ever stopped to think this can be a completely emotion loaded question? Firstly what if they do not want children? I can’t imagine having to say that however many times they are asked in a lifetime if they don’t and the things they must say in private after being asked and getting tired of being asked. That being said what if they are having trouble conceiving a baby? What do they say? They don’t want to air their issues with everyone who asks and go through a whole spiel about not being able to at this point. Also there’s the hurt they may be feeling at that moment.

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Are you pregnant? If a woman wants you to know she’s pregnant she will tell you. So why shouldn’t you ask? the obvious risk that she just gained some extra weight and you just offended her. Maybe she would like to be pregnant but isn’t. Maybe she is pregnant, but isn’t ready to talk about it because of previous miscarriages or other traumatic loss. Maybe she is pregnant, but she still isn’t ready to talk about it. Maybe she just doesn’t want to talk about it with you Or maybe she’s not pregnant and she never wants to be pregnant.

When are you going to have another baby? What if they do not want another baby? What if they can’t have another baby? What if they have one and that was their plan all along? Asking this question even though it seems innocent enough could lead to many emotions that you had not thought of.

Any of these questions seem innocuous enough and seem like a great point of conversation with a mum, but myself I realized a long time ago that there may be other things going on that no one knows about. Asking these questions could bring up emotions in them and all they can do is smile and give you a basic answer and move on. It’s best to wait and eventually they will tell you about any of these questions that are so frequently asked or they may never. In the end if they want you to know they will tell you.

 

kittyandb

Yes! I completely agree. For the most part people are well-meaning. Sometimes they’re just nosey! 😂 But, for the most part, I’d say, don’t ask. Wait for them to tell you. x

funkymrsknutts

Couldn’t have said it better myself Dude. My 2 bestest friends are at the start of their IVF journeys after 2 years of trying. The constant questions, speculation, etc by other people has driven them to the brink and they are now so bitter about it all they can’t even stand to look at other peoples kids or be happy for friends when they fall pregnant. It’s so tough and I get why when the barrage of questions is never ending.
Super post. Gem @ Life is Knutts.x

Alan @ BabyPinkandtheboys

I totally agree.

Maybe this is part of the difference between men and women, but I would never ask a woman these questions.

My grandmother told me when I was five “You never ask a lady her age!”

I still don’t 35 years later.

A great post Rod.

ShoeboxofM

These are all sound reasons not to pry. One way to shut up unsolicited enquiries about ‘trying’ is to reply that yes, you are having lots of dirty unprotected sextet now, tthanks for asking!

On a more serious note questions on reproductive choices or otherwise can also be hugely distressing for parents that have been through a loss or multiple losses.

Shanel

I believe these questions are very private and personal and I do not understand why people think it is ok to be so blase about it. Not for a second thinking that the person it is addressed to may get upset, emotions laid to rest may be evoked.
Great post Rod well done x

Silly Mummy

I think they’re all really good reasons why people may not like these questions, and it is definitely safest not to ask. I actually have never really been one for asking people any kind of personal question, but I’m very introverted & not so great with conversation! (Funnily enough, I have had a half written post for ages about whether we might be becoming a little over sensitive about what we expect no one to ever mention, compared with previous generations (who did also suffer these same problems and traumas). Who knows if I will ever finish it! But I was basing it partly on the fact that people are not stopping with just these 3 questions, which of course can be very upsetting for some people, and are going on to also object to people making passing conversation about gender, age gaps & ‘having your hands full’ in relation to their children – I personally feel getting offended about those types of casual remark is being a little precious.) I definitely don’t think ‘are you pregnant’ is ever a sensible question to ask someone. I have never, ever risked asking that. Very thoughtful post, as always.

dadbloguk

Daft questions I would never ask a woman (or ask a man the equivalent) for that matter. Followed to their logical conclusion, you might as well ask “what are you doing with your partner’s semen?” They are intensely personal questions and nobody should have to answer. The biggest concern for me is what the woman (or indeed man) who can’t conceive thinks. It must be desperately hard for these individuals.

Jeanette Ambers

So true! Women are more then capable of speaking when they want too 😉
My husband learned this the hard way a few years back and was mortified beyond belief. Lesson Learned!

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