We all know very well that our children watch and learn from us and tend to emulate us as people. They take on personality traits of us (some good, some we wish they never really picked up on). As our children grow though they see the relationship we as fathers have with their mothers and I think it’s important even if you are divorced for them to hear certain things from us to their mothers. The words you say to their mothers or about them are things they take with them in to their own relationships and for myself I want them to take the best they can from me.
- “Your a good mom!” – I think this one is super important for all to hear. These few words make all the difference to what your children think of mom and how their mom is feeling especially in a rough patch between kids and mom. I feel though that just saying those words is not enough though and it will hold more for both mom and child if you even say one thing that makes her a good mom. For example “your a good mom because you are always there for the kids” or “you are a good mom because you are always there encouraging and supporting the kids”.
- “I admire you!” – Having your children hear you say this gives them something to think about, but you can’t just leave it as that! There has to be substance behind those words. They need to know why you admire their mother? You can say something like “I admire you because it doesn’t seem to matter how much there is going on in a day you manage to spend at least a few minutes of quality time with each of the kids” or I admire you because of all the love and attention you give to the kids”.
- “I appreciate you!” – These few words let their mom know that everything they are doing is being seen. Appreciating all the things she does in a day shouldn’t be left to “it’s a given”. saying “I appreciate all that you do in a day to make our lives more comfortable and less stressful”.
If we used one of these once a week our children would learn and appreciate the mother they have and everything she gives to them. We would be putting all the positives front and center they have in their lives and as dads that is something we should be doing a lot more of!