Rant… Why does media do this?

So I saw this today…….

FullSizeRender(4)And it kind of pissed me off to be honest! There are two very different questions inside that tweet, but it looks like they are asking who’s a better parent? First off……

  1. There are plenty of parents where both parents need to work! I have read enough blog posts and seen enough comments where at least one of the parents would love to stay home with their children to raise them, but simply cannot afford too.
  2. There are parents that work on their own accord… That’s fine too… It’s their choice.
  3. Asking if being a stay at home mum is better for your family… Well I guess that is up to your family dynamics now isn’t it?

If you are looking for an answer and debate of who’s a better parent? Here’s my answer to that! It doesn’t matter if you work or stay at home! What makes a good parent is simply a good parent!

A stay at home works hard everyday just as a working parent works hard everyday. Just two different but same jobs really and the hours are pretty much the same sun up to bed time. You can’t compare one to the other.

I was a stay at home dad for many years and enjoyed my time at with the kids. Recently I have gone back to work part time and know both sides of the fence and the one thing I have realized is it just doesn’t matter whether you work as a parent or stay home as a parent you only get back from the kids with the time you give them and maintaining the home also needs to still get done!

Neither parent is a super hero, nor better than another. We are simply parents doing the best we can with what we have to work with.

5 things your wife/girlfriend wants/needs from you

Growing up Hollywood unleashed a tidal wave of romance/romantic comedies on us as youth. It left a lot of us to believe that a hard fought for soul bearing love for one person such as in “Serendipity” would lead us to a perfect life and marriage! If it were true I would certainly be living a Hollywood romance by now.

So I have come up with what I think (I could be very wrong) with what your wife/girlfriend wants/needs from you! Ladies if I’m wrong please feel free to correct me! I know that there is more to add to this list, but I wanted to keep it to what I think are the most important ones.

  1. best friend – She is with you because she loves you and you are one of the most important people in her life. You share an intimacy with her that no one else does. She needs you to be that person that she can rely on and have you be there for her no matter what you have going on.
  2. listener – On the good days and the bad days. about you or about someone or something else she needs you to listen to her! She doesn’t necessarily want or need your opinion or you to tell her how to fix it. She just wants you to listen. Most women will let you know when she needs your thoughts on whatever it is by asking you “what do you think?”.
  3. Support – The moment you became a couple you became a team. Everything that happens in your life from that that moment on is not just yours it is now OURS! She needs to know you have her back no matter what the situation is even if it’s with your family. If you think she’s wrong save your thoughts for later and do not say she’s wrong or discuss it in public, save it for a moment when the two of you can have a private talk about it in a calm manner. This one has a lot to do with #2 on my list!
  4. To be your priority – We all have a lot going on, but making her a priority is a must. I firmly believe in this one! For me anything else I may be doing at the moment it’s not as important because at the end of your days she is the one that will be next to you!
  5. Love – She needs to know you love her and not that peck on the lips as you rush out the door in the morning saying “I love you, have a good day” or “goodnight, I love you”, but really make her feel loved. Wrap your arms around her, kiss her, hold her hand and sit with your legs wrapped up like a puzzle on the sofa while talking or watching TV kind of love. Make her feel like she’s the only girl in the world when you look in to her eyes.

I don’t really believe in this men are from Mars and women are from Venus thing. To me it’s just simply paying attention and knowing that this woman is in your life for a reason and that’s because you love her to endlessly and she is the most important person in your life!

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3 things a child should hear dad say about their mother

We all know very well that our children watch and learn from us and tend to emulate us as people. They take on personality traits of us (some good, some we wish they never really picked up on). As our children grow though they see the relationship we as fathers have with their mothers and I think it’s important even if you are divorced for them to hear certain things from us to their mothers. The words you say to their mothers or about them are things they take with them in to their own relationships and for myself I want them to take the best they can from me.

  1. “Your a good mom!” – I think this one is super important for all to hear. These few words make all the difference to what your children think of mom and how their mom is feeling especially in a rough patch between kids and mom. I feel though that just saying those words is not enough though and it will hold more for both mom and child if you even say one thing that makes her a good mom. For example “your a good mom because you are always there for the kids” or “you are a good mom because you are always there encouraging and supporting the kids”.
  2. “I admire you!” – Having your children hear you say this gives them something to think about, but you can’t just leave it as that! There has to be substance behind those words. They need to know why you admire their mother? You can say something like “I admire you because it doesn’t seem to matter how much there is going on in a day you manage to spend at least a few minutes of quality time with each of the kids” or I admire you because of all the love and attention you give to the kids”.
  3. “I appreciate you!” – These few words let their mom know that everything they are doing is being seen. Appreciating all the things she does in a day shouldn’t be left to “it’s a given”. saying “I appreciate all that you do in a day to make our lives more comfortable and less stressful”.

If we used one of these once a week our children would learn and appreciate the mother they have and everything she gives to them. We would be putting all the positives front and center they have in their lives and as dads that is something we should be doing a lot more of!

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5 things children need to hear their parents say

I have been thinking about this lately and my thought keeps going back to “what we say affects our children”. Of course as a parent I want my words and actions to be building blocks into a healthy, happy adult life for my children. This brought me to thinking what does a child need to hear from their parents? To be completely honest this is just a list of things that I think they need to hear from us, but you can be the judge of what is best for your child.

  1. “I love you!” I think this is one of the most crucial ones for the simple reason that everyone wants to feel love. I say these three little words everyday to my children and not just an “I love you!” because I need to say it. I say it at that moment I truly feel it. Children are as intuitive and maybe more so than adults and can feel true feeling in us.
  2. “How was your day?” and yes this should be every child everyday. This can carry a lot of weight in your relationship with your child. Simply asking this question and listening to them about their day no matter what age is important to them. It shows you care and they get those few minutes of your time just to themselves.
  3. “I’m sorry!” we all make mistakes and if you happen to have made a mistake with your child and it’s something you need to say sorry for them for, say I’m sorry! It can be as simple as yelling at them for being noisy when the reality is they were doing nothing wrong at the moment, but it was you feeling agitated (we have all been there). Saying I’m sorry shows them that you are not perfect and you are human and make mistakes.
  4. “I was wrong!” when you are wrong admit to them you were wrong, really it’s okay to let them know you are not perfect and you can be wrong. I think in fact it allows a stronger relationship with your children, because they know that whatever the circumstances are if you are wrong as a parent you will take responsibility for it and do your best to correct it. It’s okay not to be perfect and always right in your children’s eyes as you are not perfect.
  5. “I am proud of you!” this is so important! This is one I say often, but feel I still need to say it more. I think that children need this affirmation that you are proud of them, but you can’t leave out why you are. It could be as simple as them learning to colour inside the lines, but more so you should be including the things that make them who they are. Things like “I am proud of you because I love the person you have become!” or “I am proud of you because you work so hard at school!”.

These are probably just a few things that your children should hear you say to them, but I think these are so important. We all want the same for our children and I think if we took a bit of time more often than not to say these few things it will make a world of difference to them. After all they are human just like you and I and as adults we still like to hear all of these.

http___www.pixteller.com_pdata_t_l-292395

RockinRandomMom

5 small romantic things you can do for her on Valentines day

With Valentines day coming quickly (and let’s be honest it will be on us before we know it) here are 5 small things you can do for your girlfriend or wife on Valentines day. These can all include the kids also if you will be spending Valentines with them too. Remember it’s Valentines a day of love and the more personal you make it the better it will be.

  1. Hand write a note to her! It doesn’t matter how long or how short the note is or how good your hand writing is a note written by you will always be a special memento.
  2. Buy a dozen roses and tie a piece of paper on to each rose with things you love about her. To make it a little extra special keep one final rose and present it last with one thing you completely love about her.
  3. Cook her dinner! Buy all the ingredients for a delicious meal, pour 2 glasses of wine and have her in the kitchen while you prepare the meal and talk. Keep the conversation light though as it’s not the time or day to be talking about things that may upset either of you.
  4. Sing a song to her! Find a slow song that you can learn the words too, clear the living room and grab her and slow dance and sing the song to her. It doesn’t matter how well you sing this will definitely be a wonderful memory for her (this could be a perfect accompaniment for that wonderful dinner you made for her).
  5. Make her a card just from you! Pull out the Crayola box and get imaginative. Design your own personal one of a kind Valentines card and write her a love poem or sonnet in it. This will be a forever keepsake and chances are will melt her in to a puddle.

These are the 5 romantic things you can do for your girlfriend or wife on Valentines that I am sure she will live and always remember. The more time you take and the care you put in to Valentines it will show, so plan the day and enjoy it thoroughly with the woman you love.

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Why a mothers love is different!

Over the holidays I read a comment on a post (I can’t for the life of me remember which one) about a mums love for her children. Anyways the comment was from a man and he went on a bit of a rant how “dads love their children just as much as mums”. I read the comment and it brought back other posts and articles I had read in the past about dads love every bit as strong as a mums.

So recently I had a bit of a stomach bug and I had stomach cramps and as I was having them I had thought to myself (I know this is going to sound strange) I can’t imagine going in to labour and how it would feel if these cramps are even close to what it feels like? Which led me to thinking about the comment above and then it  led me to really start thinking about why mums love differently than dads.

Dads cannot even begin to conceive what it’s like to be pregnant. Even when told what it’s like we will never know the feeling it is to grow a human inside of us. This alone is why dads will never have the same connection as a mum with their children.

I won’t get in to the details of a pregnancy as most dads will already know some or most of them (if you don’t click here)

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Now before you start thinking that I am trying to minimize how much a dad loves his children you can stop right there. I know because I love my children and I know how much I love them, but it’s still not the same type of love a mum has for her children.

As dads we play a significant, but small role in conception till birth. For mums they immediately become mums. They start to care for and nurture the baby, their bodies change, their emotions change, everything changes for them as soon as they know they are pregnant. I honestly cannot imagine the emotional roller coaster that mums take especially with their first child.

How I see a mothers love being so different from a dads love is this! The baby is literally a mums mind, body and soul! From conception to birth a baby is made of everything a mum can give her child. A baby  feeds off of their mum giving life and all the necessary elements to sustain life. The baby is mums flesh and bone. The baby is made of everything mum!

A mum carries her baby inside of her every hour of everyday till birth and all these factors is why a mums love is different than a dads love. As dads we will never know or fully understand what it means to give our bodies in such an intimate way to our children. I think if we did we would have as deep of a connection to our children.

When I think of my relationship with my mum and dad, I know that my love is different and deeper with my mum than my dad (and trust me I love my dad, read here). It’s just a different much deeper love and there is nothing wrong with that!

 

January fundraiser for #ayearforacure

The January fundraiser for “a year for a cure” could be a fun one depending on how creative you are? I know January is Dryathon and some of you have given up alcohol for the month, but this is also a family friendly blog and why leave anyone out? I have many followers who don’t drink or have little ones that for obvious reasons do not drink either!

So I want this to be a Dryathon that anyone can participate in. What are you willing to give up for #ayearforacure during Dryathon? Myself I will give up alcohol (I don’t really drink that much… Just saying is all!”.

Let’s make this a family friendly event and take a funny, silly photo of what you are willing to give up for #ayearforacure, donate the cost of a bottle to a great cause. post the pick on Instagram tag @ayearforacure and @moderndadpages with however funny you want it to read and make sure you use #ayearforacure #dryathon and I will then Regram it on “a year for a cure” wall. Below is my photo I am submitting. https://www.justgiving.com/ayearforacure/

I want to make sure I give a big THANK YOU to Harps @babybrainmemoirs, @babybraiapparel and Shanel of @babblingon for all their time they have volunteered to give helping me reach my goal of 50,000 pounds this year with all money going directly to Cancer Research UK.

Also if you so wish Baby Brain Apparel is hand making special toddler leggings for #ayearforacure and 2 pounds of every purchase of these leggings is donated to Cancer Research UK. Every toddler should have a pair 🙂 http://babybrainapparel.com/collections/baby-toddler-leggings/products/charitypurplecloudsleggings

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How I lived my dads cancer story

I can still remember in the summer of 2012 my dad seemed healthy and he was still going to live for a long time. Of course being him being 81 I knew that everyday with him was a blessing as we never really knew when he would be taken from us. below is a photo of him, my mom and the kids on Olivia’s birthday in 2012.

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When I think back there was nothing that would have been a tell tale sign that year until he fell ill with a flu in late November just before his favourite time of year. He lost a massive amount of weight and of course we were concerned, but the Doctors at that point had said he is just very ill from the flu. This flu however never left and he became worse and worse as the weeks went by. below is a photo of him Christmas 2012.

IMG_4784I remember this Christmas because dad was usually the one knocking down our door by 7 or 8 am so the kids could open all their presents. That was his joy at Christmas was to watch his grand kids, his kids and mom open all their presents even more than opening his. This Christmas was different. He came late and we had to bring him to the house, he felt ill, he couldn’t warm up and only lasted about an hour and a half before he wanted to go home. It was heartbreaking as Christmas day was his day! Below is a photo taken in March 2013 after spending 9 or 10 weeks in hospital.

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I remember well these days as I was going to the hospital 3,4 or 5 times a day looking after my family as well as looking after my mom and dad. We spent weeks doing tests and just trying to figure out what was happening to dad. I can still remember the moment the Doctor asked if we could go to the cafeteria as he needed to talk to me.  It was a Sunday morning about 9 am. As we sat I knew what was coming and he wasn’t sure how to approach me with the news as he was trying to deliver it gently.

I remember blurting out at him “he has cancer right?”. The Doctor just nodded, said yes and then started to talk about everything we would have to do now. My chest went heavy and my eyes welled up with tears as I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t do anything for him except be there for him. Below is the only photo I kept of my dad after he fell extremely ill. I couldn’t keep the rest as I never wanted to have those memories of him again. I want the memories where he was strong and healthy.

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For 14 months day in and day out I watched my dad slowly slip away from us. The pain management they had him on had made him sometimes psychotic, sometimes he slept all day and other times he just had no energy.  He lost so much weight that he was just skin and bones and had no body fat to keep him warm and we would cover him in 4 or 5 blankets that had been warmed and he would always be so thankful to feel warmth.

By mid February the Doctors had told us it was any day now and he was transferred to “end of life”. I stayed every night with my dad and slept on a cot next to him so he would not die alone. He passed away March, 5, 2014 at 11:40 am shortly after I brought my mom as she stood holding his hand he was looking out the window at the sunshine. The only break of sunshine we had that day. I love you and miss you dad and I am so fortunate to have been able to be there for you the long journey you took. Below is how I like to remember my dad. The strong loving caring man that he is! A year for a cure campaign page #ayearforacure

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A year for a cure campaign

For a while now I have wanted to start something that is close to my heart in so many ways. I have been thinking about how one person can go about it and make a difference? Well this year is the year and I realized that I cannot do it alone so I decided to join forces with a few close friends and make this a brilliant campaign.

This year and hopefully many more years to come I will be raising funds for cancer research. Cancer has affected my family and I in a very close way. This disease affects everyone in one way or another. If you have not lost a family member to cancer chances are you know someone that has succumbed to this horrible disease.

Here is my post of “How I lived my dads cancer story“!

The campaign will be called #ayearforacure

The campaign’s vision is to help beat cancer by supporting the work towards finding a cure. The campaign is all about silver linings. Providing hope to those suffering the soul destroying disease as well as those supporting sufferers.

Our chosen charity is Cancer Research UK who fund scientists, doctors and nurses to diagnose, prevent and treat cancer. Their hard work and efforts have meant that survival rates have doubled over the past 40 years. Let’s work together to help Cancer Research increase the survival rate even further!

Cancer affects children and adults alike and we’ll be sharing stories of hope, whether they have seen survival or death of a loved one.

I have teamed up with some great bloggers and an online quirky kids apparel store to join forces in making a difference.

Shanel of Babblingon has been gracious to assist in PR and using her sound network to help gain exposure and create awareness of the campaign and what we aim to achieve as she has someone very special in her life that is fighting cancer her mum.

I have collaborated with Harps of Baby Brain Memoirs and Baby Brain Apparel, a great friend of mine, to produce #ayearforacure baby and toddler leggings. 2 Pounds on these leggings will be donated to Cancer Research in the UK. We have chosen to represent all cancers by going with the colour purple. I hope you’ll support us in the cause by purchasing a trendy pair for the little legs in your life! Harps will also be offering teddy bear sized matching leggings for the even tinier legs in your kids’ lives!  All of Harps’ leggings are handmade by her and all her tees are designed by her and inspired by the daily antics of her toddler. http://babybrainapparel.com/collections/baby-toddler-leggings/products/charitypurplecloudsleggings

In addition to the above, each month we need your help to raise money by carrying out the following fundraising activities locally and posting pictures and videos on social media using the hashtag #ayearforacure.

It would be great for you to get involved in as many of the planned fund raising activities as possible.

Follow a year for a cure on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ayearforacure/
Please post all donations to the #ayearforacure fundraising page : https://www.justgiving.com/ayearforacure/

January: Donate the cost of one bottle of wine and take a selfie holding a bottle crying or kissing it goodbye or however you wish holding a sign that say #ayearforacure post it on your Instagram and tag @ayearforacure in it and I will Regram it on the official campaign Instagram page. This is January’s post for #ayearforacure http://moderndadpages.com/january-fundraiser-for-ayearforacure/

February: Baby bake sale – get your little ones involved to create cookies and cakes in all shapes and sizes to sell at their nursery, at work or to family and friends!

March: Take a selfie with something purple holding a sign that has #ayearforacure and whatever else you wish to say in your message, donate a pound and post it on your Instagram and tag @ayearforacure in it and I will Regram it on the official campaign Instagram page.

April: Sponsored purple clothing day – get in touch with your children’s schools and nurseries to ask if they’re able to host a purple clothing day to support the cause.

May: Dress down at work day – Ask your manager if you can have a dress down at work day and whoever dresses down donates a pound.

 June: Video your best piece of advice in life (must be short for Instagram) donate a pound and post it on your Instagram and tag @ayearforacure in it and I will Regram it on the official campaign Instagram page.

July: Art work auction – proceeds go to cancer

August: Fun in the sun photo with #ayearforacure and donate a pound post it on your Instagram and tag @ayearforacure in it and I will Regram it on the official campaign Instagram page.

September: Take a photo of clouds to symbolise silver linings and post it on your Instagram and tag @ayearforacure in it and I will Regram it on the official campaign Instagram page.

October: Parents to submit pictures with their children in their #ayearforacure purple cloud leggings to create 2017 calendar which will be sold the following month and where all profit will go to charity.

November: #ayearforacure calendars will go on sale where all profits will be donated to charity.

December: Take a funny photo with an ugly Christmas sweater holding a sign with #ayearforacure donate a pound and post it on your Instagram and tag @ayearforacure in it and I will Regram it on the official campaign Instagram page.

A huge thank you to those involved and for your continued support to fight an illness that destroys so many lives. So here’s to #ayearforacure!

Please do spread the word

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A New Years letter to Olivia

It’s the first day of 2016 and I wanted to write you a letter so one day you will have this to read and know what I was thinking on this day. This is going to be a bit of a crazy year for you. First your going to turn the big six (wow My little baby is growing so quick). You will finish your first year of school and start grade one in the fall.

As I write this post you are sitting next to me drawing away and I can’t help but to look at you and to feel a bit sad that you are growing so quickly. I miss all the time I had with you before you started kindergarten as you were my sidekick even on a grocery shop and we had a lot of fun and laughs together.

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I can tell you though when we have time together I absolutely treasure it. You are your own person for sure and you beat to your own drum. The things you say and the things you do sometimes leave me laughing so much. I love your personality (honestly though you talk aaaaaallllllll the time and a moment of silence here and there would be welcomed) it’s bright, cheery and full of smiles.

I still love how much you need me though, sometimes you still need a good lap cuddle with me and a bit of rough housing. You are always telling me how much you love me. and that laugh and smile you give me when we are goofing around is priceless. I love you Olivia and I wouldn’t change anything of you! You bring so much joy to my life and every morning I wake up I can’t wait to see you. Never ever change and always stay a daddy’s girl. Happy New Year Olivia

Love you, Dad