Fathers Day not my cup of tea!

The thought of a day where people celebrate my fatherhood has never really been my thing. I have never needed the approval, the pat on the back or the “expensive presents” that have come with Fathers Day. If I’m very honest with you the thought of my children buying me presents on Fathers Day bothers me greatly simply because I wanted to have them. I didn’t have them to shower me in gifts once a year for wanting to have children to love and cherish. To me it seems a bit odd to even want or expect a gift that day because in my case I have three gifts already and  their names are Ryley, Logen and Olivia and those three gifts are all I need.

I already know I am a good dad because everyday I wake up and I do my very best for them. I know they see it (maybe not always), but eventually they do. I see it in their eyes, the young people they are becoming, the decisions they make, the words that come out of their mouth, the hugs and kisses I have received, the “I love you’s”. I see and hear my fathers day everyday in them. On Fathers Day I do not need much! Just a hug and an “I love you”, a cup of coffee (if they feel like it) made just for me the way I like it and that’s more than enough for me.

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What if women ruled world?

Lately I have had this question in the back of my mind “what if women ruled the world?” and this question stems from watching the goings on in the world. I can’t help but wonder if wars would rage as they have since the beginning of time? Would famine be as blatant as it is now? Would we still have countries? Would borders exist? and about 500 more questions that I still ask myself!

Now I am not talking about these lady politicians that we have now who have to be like the men in politics otherwise they would not get anywhere. I am trying to imagine how this world would be if from the beginning women ruled the world? Now to be honest every time I try to imagine what it would be like I only pose more questions to myself so I have brought this out for thoughts or discussion.

So not to direct my own thoughts I want to leave it here and see what discussion comes of this? I am truly interested in reading and responding to your thoughts on this ! Please leave your thoughts in the comment section and I will respond as quickly as I can.

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Depression: Let’s talk World Health Day 2017

As someone who has dealt with depression and continues to I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about it! The World Health Organization defines depression as “Depression is an illness characterized by persistent sadness and a loss of interest in activities that you normally enjoy, accompanied by an inability to carry out daily activities, for at least two weeks.”

In addition, people with depression normally have several of the following symptoms:

• a loss of energy

• a change in appetite

• sleeping more or less

• anxiety

• reduced concentration

• indecisiveness

• restlessness

• feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or hopelessness

• thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Even though it’s hard for me to admit let alone to put it out there for anyone to read I have gone through all of these and to be very honest at times it felt like they were all there at once! I’ve had days so bad where I would break down several times crying from being so overwhelmed with everything! Depression is something you can’t just get rid of from one moment to the next especially if the issues that have gotten you to that point persist in your daily life.

I am not claiming to be an expert by any means on depression. All I can do is tell you that you are not alone in your internal battle! There are many people out there even though they wear a smile in public behind closed doors they are far from that person you saw. There are many people like myself who can smile through most of the day and no one to the wiser of my feelings or my thoughts.

Depression is a bugger and it affects you in so many ways emotionally and physically. It can drain you of all your mental and physical energy and truly leave you feeling “yucky” for lack of a better word. It will simply suck the life out of you!

There is a certain stigma attached to depression and most people will never put it out there for everyone to know and I get that! I have put myself out there for the simple reason that doing so helps one person then it was worth it! I am fully backing the World Health Organization on April, 7, 2017 on World Health Day on their campaign for depression.

Depression can affect anyone. So this campaign is for everyone, whatever your age, sex, or social status.At the World Health Organization, we have chosen to pay particular attention to three groups that are dis-proportionally affected: adolescents and young adults, women of childbearing age (particularly following childbirth), and older adults (over 60s).

Please join on April,7,2017 in sharing your story or simply support sharing other posts and articles on depression and let others know it’s ok to not be ok! Use hashtags #letstalk #depression #mentalhealth

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When you make your blog real!

There is nothing harder than pouring your heart and soul on to a page for all to see! It’s like the quote “I wear my heart on my sleeve” and it leaves your heart exposed for whatever comes at it good or bad! Recently I have taken the choice for the world to meet me and I am putting myself out there more and more, little by little. Now some of you may be asking “what does he mean by that?” it simply means that though here or social media I am being myself!

Whether it’s a blog post, caption, quote, video or a live stream I have promised myself to be me and show the world I am more than just a parent and I have more depth than just being a parent! So far the journey has been amazing and everyone who follows me has been amazing with how they have welcomed the new me. I honestly could not have imagined how well received it’s been. To everyone that’s welcomed the new me “THANK YOU”!

I wanted to talk a bit about what happens when you finally let go and stop trying to create as perfect image as you can of you and your life, because our lives are not perfect and no one is impenetrable to a not so perfect life. I can tell you it’s absolutely relief! We all have our moments even though as we scroll through Instagram and see all these perfect moments captured and it can get to you as a person especially when you are in a moment of life when things are not so great in our own lives.

I’ve seen many times when people have put it out there that they are taking a break from it all and working on themselves. You know as  follower that something has happened and they are overwhelmed and cannot deal with seeing everyone’s perfect life. So what happens when you share a thought or feeling’s that are not so positive on social media? Big things start happening! People relate to you better, people understand you better because they see themselves in you!

My best piece of advice I can give is be yourself on your blog and social media and you will see incredible things happen! Things you never imagined including the freedom of being yourself! Nothing feels better than not having to worry about the next perfect post, picture or caption!

Why I will always be a feminist!

I was raised by a woman who put a lot of blood sweat and tears in to raising me! More so than even my dad as he was gone to mining camps most of the time as I grew up. For the most part of my childhood I had just my mom to run to whenever I needed anything. When I think back now and my mom had five children she was raising the youngest being a baby and the eldest being just 18. I can’t imagine how she held it together herself for so many years other than pure love for us!

This is a woman who 45 months growing us all in her body, who spent a total of 35 years at home raising us till the last one of us was ready to move out and all the happiness and headaches raising so many children over so many years. Quite honestly when I think of it it seems unfathomable that she held it all together!

After we all left the house my mom wanted to go back to work and quite honestly after so many years of being at home the only jobs that she qualified for were cleaning jobs and they were all low paying back breaking jobs. I now wonder how that works because she spent 35 years running a household through good times and bad times, much like running any company out there! The only difference is she was running a family!

To me women are completely amazing! They go through so much more than a man in their life time! They have periods and all the ups and downs of them, menopause, pregnancy, hormonal changes that go with each of these! Yet everyday they wake up like any man and put their best face forward to whatever degree they can. Yet somehow some men see it as an attack on their manhood that women ask for the same rights as us!

So if having the same respect and wanting equality across the board for every single man woman and child on this planet is being a feminist or whatever other “ist” I need to be I will be it! Not on person is better than another, some are just more privileged is all!

Why I don’t do Facebook groups!

When I first started blogging everyone was inviting or saying how I should join groups on Facebook, so I did and joined quite a few. As time went on and I read and watched how they work and the things that were said (mostly all closed groups were the ones where things would be said) I became disillusioned with them!

There are two things that bothered me about being in these groups. First off they are self serving for the admin of the group which is usually a blogger and their rise is off the blood, sweat and tears of the people inside the group which is great, but I am here trying to build my blog and brand up not theirs. Second of all the closed groups were the worst for me as I saw some fairly distasteful posts put up in them!

I thought long and hard about these groups and my involvement in them and literally thought I should stay in them for my best personal gain and link dump, but my better judgment took over and one day I left them all! I do belong currently to 2, but they are because I love what I see in them and they make me a better person and a better blogger!

I would rather support a fellow blogger by following them on their social media and have the mindset to share their links as I run across them or they can even tag me in their link and I am more than happy to share it! I am not a selfish blogger by any means as I firmly believe you get out what you put in. I have met some amazing people in my time blogging and I enjoy it immensely.

So the next time you join a group have a look around and make sure it’s a group that is going to make you a better person and a better blogger! That’s just my thoughts though and really it is up to each individual and what they want to be associated!

Why I will tell my daughter she’s pretty!

I recently read Alan’s post from OMG it’s a girl titled “Why I Don’t Call My Daughter “My Pretty Girl” Anymore!” and it got me thinking about this whole body issue thing. His post is awesome and I loved reading it! In fact I read it three times now.

It has got me thinking though about the things we say as parents to our children and I can’t honestly think of one good reason why we can’t tell our children when they look pretty or handsome? Yes there are body issues and look issues that can come with telling them these things also they may take some of it the wrong way and place a bigger value on their looks than what we want.

As in everything we do as a parent there has to be checks and balances! We cannot just walk around saying “how pretty you are!” or “how handsome you are!” all the time otherwise all the value will be placed on their appearance! we need balance in the things we tell our children (not just girls, but our boys as well!)

For example how many times have you heard “boys will be boys!” or “that’s what boys do!”? I’ve said it! It’s kind of like giving permission to what they are doing as acceptable. It puts a value to what they are doing as funny or however they see it? I am not saying it’s wrong I’m just saying checks and balances need to be placed.

There are so many things our children need to hear from us and being “pretty” or being “handsome” is one of them, but there are other things they also need to know! In order to turn around body issues we first have to have a change what is viewed as a beautiful body! That starts at home! It starts with the mum and the dad and what we perceive as beautiful!

I tell my children that everyone is “pretty”, “beautiful” or “handsome” in their own way. Being “pretty”, “beautiful” or “handsome” is more than skin deep it’s who that person is as well inside, so be inside who you want to portray outside as it starts in you!

Other things that should be said a lot is…

  • You are strong!
  • You are brave!
  • you can do anything you want too in life!
  • you are amazing!
  • You are loved!
  • Believe in yourself you can do it!

And I am sure there are a ton I missed, but those are a few! Redefining what beauty means though is going to be a mammoth job and it would take generations to change it, but it starts with one as any change does! So tell your children they are “pretty”, “beautiful” and “handsome” as we all love to hear it and it makes us feel good and there is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you have your checks and balances in what you encourage in them.

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Mum Guilt

Mum guilt is a very real thing and I have finally wrapped my head around exactly how it works (or at least how I see it works and you can correct me if I’m wrong?)! Mum guilt is a never ending circle feeling guilty! If you give too much attention to one child you feel guilty that you haven’t been giving enough attention to the other or if you give your children all your attention you feel guilty because you have been ignoring getting things done around the house, if you do all the house work and get everything done in the house you feel guilty because you haven’t spent time with the kids and if you have been eating out a lot you feel guilty about not making proper meals at home.

Ok so I think that’s enough to explain how I see it and how I understand it. There is almost never a point where a mum does not feel guilty for very long and I would like to say something…

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

We all go through that! we all have our moments! We all feel guilt! Especially when it comes to our children. It’s all because we want the best for them and we don’t want them to feel that we don’t love them. All it takes though is a look, a smile and saying “love you” to them when you need to get things done. If you are spending more time with one child maybe because of homework or whatever else let the other child know that as soon as your done you will read a book together and have them go pick a book out, but don’t take it out on yourself as you are only one person and you cannot be everywhere all the time, doing everything for everyone and I know this because I am that way, I have done it now for so long it just feels that it’s supposed to be this way!

So the next time you are feeling mum guilt remember this! Your children will always be there, the housework will always be there, the meals will always be there and so will you! You will wake up every morning and do your best each day to get the things done you need to get done! Spend as much time with the kids as you can! Make as many healthy proper meals as you can and that’s all that can be expected of you.

I would totally love to know your thoughts and feelings on this? Please comment below!

Is It Ok For A Parent To Break Down?

I’ve had this post title sitting in draft for more than a year now! It’s not that I didn’t want to write it, but more how would people receive it? I mentioned in my last post that I am making this year of me and I am going to write about things that I think are issues we should talk about. I am not going to be afraid to just write and write whatever I want to0 anymore.

This year I have a few posts that I like to call “darker side of parenting” dealing with things that we generally don’t or won’t talk about.

As parents we are expected to be on point all the time! Ready to solve the latest issue or problem arising in the household, but many of us use it as a distraction from our own feelings and what’s going on with us inside to ignore how we feel! It’s easy… Take on everyone’s issues and I don’t have to deal with what I have going on!!!!

So my question to myself was “is it ok for a parent to breakdown?” and My answer to myself was YES of course it’s ok! We tend to forget that parents are people to, we feel, we have emotions, we have our own issues we are dealing with (no one really knows what anyone is dealing inside or what problems they are having?).

So often we see our neighbors, our social media feeds and see how happy everyone is around us and we assume how happy they are because they are smiling, but we never stop to think “what are they dealing with”? There could be any number of things be it money, relationship, personal issues or even possibly mental health.

The dad you see as he gets in his car to head for work, the stay at home mom you see as she loads her children in the car to take them to school, the teacher, the store clerk, the gas station attendant or everyone else you cross paths with each and everyday they may get in their cars, their homes or wherever else and feel so overwhelmed that they cry, breakdown from stress from carrying to much inside! We are strong till we can’t be!

So the next time you see a person smiling or a photo and feel a little envy, remember you have no idea the struggles that person has going on inside them as we have become masters of disguise and we only project what we think the world wants to see!

What do you think? Is it ok for a parent to breakdown?

 

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2017 The Year of ME!

I have as I have every year chosen not to make New Years resolutions, but this year I have done something I have never done before and made myself a promise! I promised myself that this year I am making it of me! I am going to be selfish and build my dreams that I have in my head and make them happen. Anyone who knows me well knows that I tend to have a big heart and am always trying to help someway somehow, but now it’s time for me to take some me time and better myself (it doesn’t mean though that I won’t be there when needed though).

Something that no one knows is that I suffer from depression, anxiety and self doubt! I put on a great game face though everyday so as no one knows what churns on my insides! 2016 has been a brutal year for me and my struggles with those and that’s one reason why I haven’t done any kind of blogging much other than my Instagram. I won’t get in to the gory details, but I will say that I am pretty sure it’s beaten and bruised me in every which possible way, but somehow I manage to put a smile on my face and make the best I can of everyday.

I decided to tell you all that so you know that if you are like that you are not alone! For all I know we could all be depressed, anxiety filled and full of self doubt? Unless someone comes out and says it we will never know! I also decided to write this so I start 2017 with a clean slate… no more hiding! I promised myself about a month ago to start introducing myself surely but slowly so you all can meet and get to know who I am so I am finishing the year with an honest post about me.

Now to get on with what I have promised myself to work on! I have loads to do and make happen and as I start the new year it will all start to come out. First off though is a promise to blog, vlog and be more active on my social media as you can see I’ve started already. On Instagram I’ve started putting more quotes on it and something you all probably never knew is I read quotes on a daily basis, some mean something and some are more for a laugh so I decided to start sharing the quotes that make me laugh or feel good!

I hope you all enjoy the ride! It’s going to be a different one than what’s been so far! Oh yeah I am going to try and finish every post with a song that I love! Play it if you wish or read in silence but it will be there!