Recently I was asked “why do girls feel more emotionally attached after having sex with a guy?” and I thought this would be great to write to you about so you could read it whenever you felt you need too. This question, however, is much deeper and more complex than the simplicity it was asked.
The first question you should ask is what attracted her to you? That’s where all this magic starts! In the very initial stage, it could be how you look, a smile, a smirk or whatever physical trait caught her eye. Secondly, it most definitely has to do with your personality and how you interact with her because physical attraction will only go so far with a girl and there has to be a deeper more meaningful connection for the next step of your relationship with her of being a couple.
So the big question was “why do girls feel more emotionally attached after having sex with a guy?”. When you have been in a relationship and you both decide to take it to the next step and have sex chances are very good that she will need that emotional connection with you because it’s a much more intimate act for her than you may realize.
Many women tend to be very guarded when you first meet them and there’s a reason they have what we call walls. These walls are their fears and one by one you have to let them come down when she’s good and ready. This you cannot rush.
For her it’s the deep trust of a new relationship, she gives herself mind, body, and soul letting you into her world completely. She is trusting you to be that person she needs, to not hurt her, to give her the time and love she needs to be intimate with you.
When your girlfriend decides to have sex with you she’s allowing you to become a part of her. She is literally inviting you into her. To share something with her that is sacred, her body! Now I know saying this your thoughts may be it’s natural for them as it is for us, but the reality it is not the same for your girlfriend as it is for you as you can’t imagine what it would be like to have someone enter your body.
As men, we can’t imagine the emotional security we would need to share our own bodies in such a way. So when your girlfriend has sex with you think about what it means to her to let you in and share her body with you.
I had mine done (actually it was done twice) and to be honest it’s not as bad as you would imagine! The first time I went in I was mentally prepared and good with it. I walked in to the doctors office and waited to be called in. I was called in and put the robe on laid back on the table and the doctor started to prep me using that weird coloured cleanser they use before surgery. He then told me he was going to administer the local anesthetic and I would feel some sharp pinches and he was right I did! It was a little uncomfortable, but not as painful as I had imagined in the first place.
As the doctor continued he was filling me in as he went along and said if you feel any pain let me know. he then made the incision (which isn’t that long of one less than 1″) and I was good. He then hooked the first tube and I had actually felt a bit of pain as he did and I let him know. He then administered the maximum amount of local anesthetic he could as an out patient. I was still all good at this point. As he pulled the first tube out and then proceeded to clamp the tube all I can remember was me letting out a scream and about a minute later coming out of the fog I was in.
At this point he had said that I had passed out for a minute and that we couldn’t do the vasectomy that day. as he cleaned me up and sent me home. We were talking and something I had never really thought about was when I would go to the dentist and they would be be working on my teeth I would always have a bit of pain. Well it was discovered that my body blocks local anesthetic. There were two poor guys waiting in the waiting room who had very terrified looks in their eyes and I smiled as best as I could as I hobbled out the door.
I remember well that after that I really did not want to try and get it done after that (really I was thinking “fuck this I am not getting it done” and yes in those words as it hurts!) and it took a little while for me to come around to doing it again. This time however I was to go in to the hospital for what they call day surgery so they could administer more of the local anesthetic. When I went in for my last and final operation I had an anesthesiologist and was hooked up to a vitals monitor (big production for such an easy operation) and all went well.
That evening I was pumped full of Tylenol and was off to a BBQ at a friends house and was nursing cold beers as I kept them cooling my uhmmmm uncomfortable situation. I will admit however that it’s a painful operation to have as you feel like you had the worst ever kick in the nuts ever in your life. It took me about 10 days for that feeling to go away totally.
Just remember though guys I wouldn’t complain at all as we have it easy! We never experience child birth and I an sure this is low scale pain compared to what a woman goes through to have a baby! So if your done having kids get your vasectomy done it’s the least you can do! I had mine done twice!
As you get older and you start to go out to parties, meet new people and I am sure meet young ladies I feel compelled to talk to you about meeting these young ladies and how I hope you approach them.
I know that physical attraction is a must at first because she has to grab your attention, but remember physical attraction only goes so far. The young ladies you meet as you go out and start exploring what you like in a personality and what you don’t like will have a lasting impact on you and them.
My best advice I can give you is ” don’t make a decision about a lady based on her looks alone, eventually you have to talk to those looks and you better like what those looks have to say or there’s nothing!”. Now you are probably wondering what exactly do I mean when I say that? I mean that what she has to say has to have substance for you. You can’t base what you like about her solely on her looks.
When you meet these young ladies it may be at a party or out with friends and you most likely will have a good time. You will enjoy the moment, but what happens the next day if you exchange phone numbers and now you have to get real person?
You have to remember this young lady is in the same boat as you, you may be physically attractive to her, but you also have to have substance for her! She has to like the person you are. Again and this is for you “eventually she has to talk to those looks and she better like what you have to say or there is nothing!”.
Take your time and get to know her. Get to know who she is by asking questions, volunteer information about you and who you are, but most of all never judge a woman by her looks alone you may be missing the love of your life because of it!
We have all heard the different parenting types like helicopter parenting or attachment parenting or narcissistic parenting, you know there’s about 10 or 12 types of parents. Well today I am going to add one more! I call it FFS Parenting (For fuck sake’s parenting). We have all thought it at one time or another, maybe even vocalized it under our breath or vocalized it really loud in desperation!
You know what I’m talking about…
- Muuuuuum have you seen my jeans? You know my favourite ones!
- Daaaaaaad can you drive me to the mall?
- Muuuuuum where did you put my (whatever)? Like it’s your fault they didn’t put it away themselves lol
- Muuuuuum when’s dinner?
- Daaaaaaad have you seen (whatever)?
When you have heard your second name (mum,dad) for the hundredth time as you sip your already cold coffee and most likely thinking FFS! I know I have done it on more than one occasion over my 17 years of being a dad.
So how would I describe the FFS parent? It’s the reality of parenting, hearing your second name in a looooooooong drawn out (what feels like at times) condescending tone like your supposed to know and do everything perfect the first time! Your supposed to always love searching for the things they can’t find because YOU didn’t put it in the right spot the first time and now you must pay for it undertone as they finish the sentence.
The FFS parent (for fuck sake’s parent) knows that feeling you get when you hear your second name being called and your head drops towards the floor and in your mind the words “for fuck sakes what now?” cruise through your mind like a rocket ship taking off and you put that smile on your face and say “yes? what are you looking for?
Last week as I was driving Ryley to summer school, myself I was still in a bit of a morning daze, music turned up a bit not really paying attention to much as I was a bit lost in my own thoughts at that moment. Ryley pipes up “I wonder how I can make money off it?” A bit bewildered I ask “What?” he says “The Pokemon meet up in Stanley Park” and of course I just say “Oh ok… I have no idea?”.
A minute or two later he pipes up “Maybe I can sell pop?”… Well what I heard in my daze and confusion was “Maybe I can sell pot?”… Now depending on my mood at the moment I could go either way with what I thought he said! I could go off or I could be calm. One thing I have learned as a dad to teens is blowing up doesn’t help the situation and tends to only aggravate it more. so at that moment I chose to stay calm.
Now if you really want to know my thoughts at that moment they were something like this… “What the fuck did he just say?” “What the hell is he thinking?” “Doesn’t he realize he can fuck up everything he’s worked so hard for with University coming in a year?”! true thoughts unedited (good thing I kept that rant down deep).
So instead of going on a rant I calmly started to ask questions (I’ve found it best if I bring them to realization by making them think about all the angles… Teen parenting 101). So I asked ” What about the police?” Ryley looks at me in complete confusion and answers “So they ask me to leave?” as he said that my honest thought was “What the hell?” so I asked again “Yeah the police… What happens if you get caught?” he looks at me and says to me “I’m underage what are they going to do?”.
Now if you can imagine I was literally wide eyed and paying attention at this point and said to Ryley “just because your 17 does not mean they won’t arrest you and charge you!” he looks at me with the most bizarre look and asks me “Why they would charge me for selling pop?” and ask he asked that a moment of clarity and understanding of what he was talking about washed over me. I started to laugh and said to him “I thought you said pot not pop and you scared the shit out of me!” he laughed and said we were having two very different conversations then dad, I would never sell pot!”. I then turned to Ryley before he was about to get out and said “That sounds like a good idea!” Meanwhile inside I thought “I have good kids!”
So my lesson I learned from this… If I think I misunderstood what was being said ask to hear it again and pay better attention when they talk!
Spending quality time with your child doesn’t have to cost you anything other than your time! I have been a dad for 17 years now and still have a good deep relationship with all three of my children. We spend a lot of time together going for walks, watching movies, to the beach or whatever adventure we want to do. We are blessed to be living in an area with lots of forested areas, parks and live minutes from the ocean. This has allowed us to go out away from distractions and spend time talking and laughing.
What does “quality time”mean?
It will mean different things to different people, but the the best way for me to describe it will be for you to find activities or things to do that you all enjoy. It can be pulling out a board game, going for a walk to the park, in depth conversations, or reading a story. Whatever it means to you, it’s essential that you make it a priority for yourself and your relationship with your child.
Why is “quality time” so important for me!
Spending some quality time with my kids is an everyday day thing! I have made it that way, whether we talk about the day (which most days that’s our time together) that way I know what’s happening in their lives and what’s important to them. I love my three endlessly and would do anything I can for them. Having this time together or even one on one is an essential for me to keep a strong relationship with each of them.
At the end of the day your child needs you and needs your time, but time well spent. Not the type where you seem to be paying attention to them, but the real look them in the eyes type time where they know you are present and paying attention. If we do not take this time as parents what are we teaching our children for when they have our grandchildren? Spending good quality time with them is free all we have to do is be in the moment, talk, laugh, joke or have a deep conversation. It’s amazing the things you will learn about your child taking the time with them and they will be better for it!
So I saw this today…….
And it kind of pissed me off to be honest! There are two very different questions inside that tweet, but it looks like they are asking who’s a better parent? First off……
- There are plenty of parents where both parents need to work! I have read enough blog posts and seen enough comments where at least one of the parents would love to stay home with their children to raise them, but simply cannot afford too.
- There are parents that work on their own accord… That’s fine too… It’s their choice.
- Asking if being a stay at home mum is better for your family… Well I guess that is up to your family dynamics now isn’t it?
If you are looking for an answer and debate of who’s a better parent? Here’s my answer to that! It doesn’t matter if you work or stay at home! What makes a good parent is simply a good parent!
A stay at home works hard everyday just as a working parent works hard everyday. Just two different but same jobs really and the hours are pretty much the same sun up to bed time. You can’t compare one to the other.
I was a stay at home dad for many years and enjoyed my time at with the kids. Recently I have gone back to work part time and know both sides of the fence and the one thing I have realized is it just doesn’t matter whether you work as a parent or stay home as a parent you only get back from the kids with the time you give them and maintaining the home also needs to still get done!
Neither parent is a super hero, nor better than another. We are simply parents doing the best we can with what we have to work with.
It’s the first day of 2016 and I wanted to write you a letter so one day you will have this to read and know what I was thinking on this day. This is going to be a bit of a crazy year for you. First your going to turn the big six (wow My little baby is growing so quick). You will finish your first year of school and start grade one in the fall.
As I write this post you are sitting next to me drawing away and I can’t help but to look at you and to feel a bit sad that you are growing so quickly. I miss all the time I had with you before you started kindergarten as you were my sidekick even on a grocery shop and we had a lot of fun and laughs together.
I can tell you though when we have time together I absolutely treasure it. You are your own person for sure and you beat to your own drum. The things you say and the things you do sometimes leave me laughing so much. I love your personality (honestly though you talk aaaaaallllllll the time and a moment of silence here and there would be welcomed) it’s bright, cheery and full of smiles.
I still love how much you need me though, sometimes you still need a good lap cuddle with me and a bit of rough housing. You are always telling me how much you love me. and that laugh and smile you give me when we are goofing around is priceless. I love you Olivia and I wouldn’t change anything of you! You bring so much joy to my life and every morning I wake up I can’t wait to see you. Never ever change and always stay a daddy’s girl. Happy New Year Olivia
Love you, Dad
It’s the first day of 2016 and I am writing New Years letters to you, Ryley and Olivia. In less than a month you will be 15. Time has flown by in what seems like minutes. It does not seem that many years since I held you in my arms for the very first time.
I want you to enjoy 2016 with the freedom that comes with turning 15. As you finish grade nine this year (your last free year of school as in the fall when you start grade 10 all your grades start to count toward your final GPA at the end of grade 12 and will determine the start of your University career). Take your time make sure you keep your grades up, but enjoy your friends and your extracurricular activities.
This year we are also going to be starting our blog up on men’s fashion and lifestyle and I have this feeling you are going to get in to it and be a real driving force in it as you love to be creative. You have a passion for photography (which indecently will come in very handy with the blog). You have a passion for music and really any visual arts. I can’t wait to start working with you on the blog and seeing what you can do.
As I watch you grow Logen I am completely amazed at what a fine young man you have become. There are things about you that probably a lot of people may miss, but you are a kind, loving and giving young man and you always have time for everyone almost to a fault at times (I hate to say that as I hope you never lose that side of you).
I want you to know I do notice all the parts of who you are (even though sometimes it might not seem I do). I love how you can still at 15 come and sit next to me on the sofa and let me cuddle you. I love how you can just walk up to me and say “love you dad”. I love how you still need a hug from me now and then. I want you know that I love you so much and I will always be here for you. There aren’t many people like you on this big blue ball we live on, so please don’t ever change. Happy New Year Logen!
Love you, Dad
As I woke up this morning and wanting to write a new post I thought I would write a letter to some (blogger) friends showing my appreciation for their support over the last months while I took my hiatus from blogging.
If you haven’t noticed I put (blogger) in parentheses and that’s just so you all know they do hail from the blogging world. To me they are simply just friends as they have been in the background checking up on me frequently and encouraging me to come back to blogging. These (blogger) friends are an amazing bunch.
Prabs of Absolutely Prabulous – Thank you for being there and encouraging me to make whatever decision to blog or not to blog. Or just listening to me rant lol
Harps of Baby Brain Memoirs and Baby Brain Apparel – Thank you for just being there and encouraging me simply by telling me that I would be missed in blogging and to just take my time and comeback when I was ready.
Laura of Life With Baby Kicks – Thank you for being there and simply telling me to just write when it feels right and to not bother until then and just checking in on me with a friendly “hello”.
Trista of Domesticated Momster – Thank you for being there and I remember you saying to me in only the way you would put it to me “write because you want to write other than that f**k it”.
John of Dad Blog UK – Thank you for being there and asking once in a while if I was going to blog again? Also telling me that I would be missed.
Becky of Cuddle Fairy – Thank you for being there and encouraging me to come back when I was well ready to write again and to keep me feeling in the loop of the blogging world by tagging me in posts.
Emma of The Joy Of Five – Thank you for being there and worried enough about me to message me to see how I was doing while on my blogging break and encouraging me to come back to blogging.
Martyn of Inside Martyns Thoughts – Thank you for being there and having some of those long winded conversations with me about blogging.
Natasha of Mama Duck Quacks – Thank you for being there and checking in on me and making sure I was alright and encouraging me to come back to blogging when I was ready.
Debra of Random Musings – Thank for being there and taking the time to see how I was doing and asking if I was going to blog again? Your words of encouragement to go back to blogging were well received.
These are (blogger) friends that have simply just become friends I appreciate them all for caring and taking the time out of their busy lives to check in on me and make sure I was doing ok and still alive. Without these friends I am sure that my blog would have just died a slow death until one day it disappeared and MDP would be no longer. To you all I want to say thank you for being there and not letting me disappear in oblivion and encouraging me to continue blogging. Happy New Years to you all!