Since writing “Why a mothers love is different” there were some comments made that left me thinking and asking myself “can a mum love more than a dad?”. After three and a half months of thinking and tossing thoughts around in my head and really trying to put myself in the shoes of a mother (as they say “until you walk a mile in their shoes”) here are the thoughts I came up with.
Now this might and most likely will piss a few people off, but I am going to own my thoughts and put them out there. This is a little scary because I have worked hard at my little blog and recently decided that I need to write about things I am passionate about!
As men we feel the need to win at everything, to be the best at everything and when someone challenges us we fight till we can’t anymore, but this is one we do not have the the capacity or knowledge to say that we love our children as much as mums.
There’s a reason why almost everyone I know has said at one point or another that “marriage changes after having kids!”. It certainly does and it’s more than likely not because of men, it’s because of women and the changes they go through during and after pregnancy and I am not saying that in a bad way.
After walking a mile in their shoes the best I can (I can only use my imagination obviously) pregnancy is a defining and life changing. They wear pregnancy not just those 9 little months, but forever! I would imagine the hormone changes alone that happen during pregnancy are not just temporary and prepare them for the lifetime ahead of raising children.
With the hormone changes comes mental changes and that’s why they will protect their children like a lioness even if it takes them way out of their comfort zone. Even if it’s with us the dads. If they feel that we are being unfair or are wrong they will defend their child to the end.
Their physical body changes as they look in to the mirror every day and have reminders of their children even when they are not around. The stretch marks, the belly that won’t ever quite be the same, the c-section scar some mums have or the few pounds that won’t seem to go.
A mum is completely invested in her children from the moment she knows she’s pregnant. She changes and continues to change and grow with her child, she is ever evolving and ferocious in raising and protecting her child.
These are just a few things that I have thought and imagined about what it’s like to become a mum and I would say that yes we do love our children every bit as much as their mum, but she still has a deeper more intimate connection with her children than we can ever fathom. How can they not? So how can we take away from their experience and their feelings and say for 100% certainty that they cannot love their children more than a dad?
When I said we don’t have the capacity or knowledge to say we love our children as much as mums we truly do not! We will never ever know that feeling of pregnancy, body changes, hormone changes, giving birth and mental changes that a mum goes through with each child. Women are incredible and what they go through to bring new life in to this world as their world changes so dramatically.