Mum Guilt

Mum guilt is a very real thing and I have finally wrapped my head around exactly how it works (or at least how I see it works and you can correct me if I’m wrong?)! Mum guilt is a never ending circle feeling guilty! If you give too much attention to one child you feel guilty that you haven’t been giving enough attention to the other or if you give your children all your attention you feel guilty because you have been ignoring getting things done around the house, if you do all the house work and get everything done in the house you feel guilty because you haven’t spent time with the kids and if you have been eating out a lot you feel guilty about not making proper meals at home.

Ok so I think that’s enough to explain how I see it and how I understand it. There is almost never a point where a mum does not feel guilty for very long and I would like to say something…

YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

We all go through that! we all have our moments! We all feel guilt! Especially when it comes to our children. It’s all because we want the best for them and we don’t want them to feel that we don’t love them. All it takes though is a look, a smile and saying “love you” to them when you need to get things done. If you are spending more time with one child maybe because of homework or whatever else let the other child know that as soon as your done you will read a book together and have them go pick a book out, but don’t take it out on yourself as you are only one person and you cannot be everywhere all the time, doing everything for everyone and I know this because I am that way, I have done it now for so long it just feels that it’s supposed to be this way!

So the next time you are feeling mum guilt remember this! Your children will always be there, the housework will always be there, the meals will always be there and so will you! You will wake up every morning and do your best each day to get the things done you need to get done! Spend as much time with the kids as you can! Make as many healthy proper meals as you can and that’s all that can be expected of you.

I would totally love to know your thoughts and feelings on this? Please comment below!

Author: Modern dad

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15 Comments

  1. Really good perspective on this and yes, you’re right! Easy to feel guilt particularly after we’ve all had time off together. I’m working today and children are in childcare (nursery and after school club) and as always it’s crossed my mind. But it’s a silly, unproductive emotion.

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  2. Never ending I think is the key term haha, it is never ending! I think you want to be sure you’re doing to right thing every time, so thinking that the alternative might have been better will make us feel guilty. I also think that although it’s there it shouldn’t be crippling or stop you leading a normal (whatever normal is) life.

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    • I totally got that! It’s how I feel quite often myself! Normal is what we do everyday now I guess lol

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  3. The best advice my Mom gave when I was pregnant with my twins – “the housework will always be there, your babies won’t. Have a clean house when they’re grown up”.
    If I have the choice of having some quality time with my boys or washing the floor then heck yeah I’m choosing to play!!
    If anyone judges me for having less-than-a-showhome then they aren’t the kind of people I want in my life!! My laundry room is disorganised (the door is always closed!) – but the laundry is done, my dishwasher is full – but all our meals are cooked from scratch, there are tiny finger prints on my fridge – but my boy’s have just helped me make waffles for breakfast!!! And I will miss all this mess when they are grown and moved out!!

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    • Wise words from your mom 🙂 I am glad you have found what makes you happy 🙂

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  4. That is a post that really deserves the great post accolade. Mums usually do their best and are way too hard on themselves

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  5. Yup Mom guilt – and it starts at conception too!! You hit the nail on the head though – moms & dads should realize they are enough & if they are doing their best then that’s all that can be done. 🙂

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    • I agree Becky! I know our guilty feelings as parents can override that at times though for sure!

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  6. Yep I feel guilty all the time.Guilty for being at work, guilty for shouting at the teen when he’s plenty old enough at 18 to be helping me more.Guilty for appearing to give my daughter more attention than the others as she’s the one who craves attention whereas the others are happy to do their own thing.They’re fed, they tell me they love numerous times a day so I really shouldn’t feel bad at all! #WineandBoobs

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  7. This is so true. I constantly berate myself for not doing enough of something or other and have to stop and tell myself to think more positively. Great post #wineandboobs

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  8. It almost feels like the act of becoming a parent is expected to turn us all into saints and parenting machines that can successfully entertain, cook, clean, council, and educate all at the same time, whilst still having the time to do all of the things that we managed to do before kids (and back then we thought we were busy too!?) I suppose it’s inevitable that we will struggle to meet our own expectations, but it would be nice to be able to just accept ourselves for the great job that we actually do. Very well said – and thank you for hosting #wineandboobs. 🙂

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  9. I understand the reasoning behind “Mum Guilt” but like phobias I don’t “get” it.

    We all know that Mums do a wonderful job of raising their children, yet due to external influences, social media and the media often feel inadequate or that they are not doing enough.

    Maybe the rise in Jeremy Kyle style programming where teens go onand blame all their problems on their upbringing doesn’t help.

    Great post Rod #wineandboobs

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  10. Great post. Guilty is my middle name! shouting at my tantruming 5 year old…guilty, Not been able to paint with him because his sisters climbing the walls with her teeth…guilty, No story time tonight as little boys pushed his sister over after she pinched his face…guilty, raising my voice at little girl for pinching her brothers face ending in her sobbing (real tears)…guilty!! its 6pm and I haven’t had chance to do anyones tea because I’m still attempting to do boys homework with him whilst little girl hangs from my neck!…guilty!! Its silent in the house because they are both tucked up in bed…f##k it I’m getting a bottle of wine and I’m taking a bubble bath……..even though I have a huge pile of ironing to do, and lunch bags for tomorrow….GUILTY! xx

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