Why I will tell my daughter she’s pretty!

I recently read Alan’s post from OMG it’s a girl titled “Why I Don’t Call My Daughter “My Pretty Girl” Anymore!” and it got me thinking about this whole body issue thing. His post is awesome and I loved reading it! In fact I read it three times now.

It has got me thinking though about the things we say as parents to our children and I can’t honestly think of one good reason why we can’t tell our children when they look pretty or handsome? Yes there are body issues and look issues that can come with telling them these things also they may take some of it the wrong way and place a bigger value on their looks than what we want.

As in everything we do as a parent there has to be checks and balances! We cannot just walk around saying “how pretty you are!” or “how handsome you are!” all the time otherwise all the value will be placed on their appearance! we need balance in the things we tell our children (not just girls, but our boys as well!)

For example how many times have you heard “boys will be boys!” or “that’s what boys do!”? I’ve said it! It’s kind of like giving permission to what they are doing as acceptable. It puts a value to what they are doing as funny or however they see it? I am not saying it’s wrong I’m just saying checks and balances need to be placed.

There are so many things our children need to hear from us and being “pretty” or being “handsome” is one of them, but there are other things they also need to know! In order to turn around body issues we first have to have a change what is viewed as a beautiful body! That starts at home! It starts with the mum and the dad and what we perceive as beautiful!

I tell my children that everyone is “pretty”, “beautiful” or “handsome” in their own way. Being “pretty”, “beautiful” or “handsome” is more than skin deep it’s who that person is as well inside, so be inside who you want to portray outside as it starts in you!

Other things that should be said a lot is…

  • You are strong!
  • You are brave!
  • you can do anything you want too in life!
  • you are amazing!
  • You are loved!
  • Believe in yourself you can do it!

And I am sure there are a ton I missed, but those are a few! Redefining what beauty means though is going to be a mammoth job and it would take generations to change it, but it starts with one as any change does! So tell your children they are “pretty”, “beautiful” and “handsome” as we all love to hear it and it makes us feel good and there is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you have your checks and balances in what you encourage in them.

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Laura

I completely agree with you and I’ll always call my kids handsome and pretty because they are. My daughter at two likes to do her hair or put on a dress and come and show me, my honest reaction is always wow you look amazing/pretty/gorgeous. I can’t imagine having to keep it neutral or something, maybe I should tell she she looks acceptable? Too much focus on too much crap nowadays.

omgitsagirl2015

Great post Rod. You’ve hit the point I was trying to make.

I wasn’t meaning that I won’t call her pretty anymore. Just that I wasn’t going to make that the main attribute I comment on.

Laura's Lovely Blog

I’m with you, I tell my daughter she is pretty too. I agree in balance and I don’t want her too thing being pretty is more important than being clever for instance. But I think I say all of the same things that you do!

lycrawidow

We tell our kids they are beautiful/handsome etc. They also witness hubby and I saying it to each other. We also use phrases such as “thank you for being awesome” as well as being sure to acknowledge any achievements as they happen! I loved readingvthis post! #Wineandboobs

mackenzieglanville

Awesome! My mum always told me I was pretty, yet she walked around putting herself down all the time so I thought she was just lying to me. I think that the way we talk not only to them, but also to ourselves and about ourselves has a huge impact. The more we love an accept ourselves, the more they will embrace their looks, brains and everything else. #wineandboobs

nightwisprav3n

I agree with you completely Rod! Being told they’re pretty or handsome is just another positive compliment we give to our kids to make sure they know and understand that they are valued. It’s society that has put such a negative spin on looks and body image issues that it has us parents questioning whether or not we should tell our kids. Here’s my personal experience. I was NEVER told that I was pretty by anyone in my family. In fact, if anything I was told I was too much on the heavy side because of my hips, thighs, and butt. Puberty was not kind to me. I sometimes wonder how things would have been for me, how different my perspective would have been for me had a close family member taken the time to compliment not just my looks but my intelligence and my creativity, both of which I never received compliments on either. When you grow up in a family where putting the child down is considered “toughening them up”, well, let’s just say I’m the exact opposite of that so kudos to you for complimenting your children, regardless of whether it is their looks or the talents. Hey, maybe I should write a post about this and my own personal experience with it, lol. Thanks for sharing and thanks for bringing back #wineandboobs

mommyandmadness

I think complimenting your kids is important, obviously there needs to be balance. It does annoy me when people who know my daughter can only comment on how pretty she is, and yes she is, but she’s also sparky and fun and a whole load of other things, I want them to notice that too! #wineandboobs

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